My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
