so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
