I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
40s are totally the cure
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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