Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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