C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
