it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
