YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
