I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
