A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
