I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize