I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
