I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
