I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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