he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
