Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
