I need help removing her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
