Are we in a gay sports bar?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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