no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
