ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize