I heard we made out
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
