he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
