I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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