I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
