I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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