Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
