just come out here and I will go home with you...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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