Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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