i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
