ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
