All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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