You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
