the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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