Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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