She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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