Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
