so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
