Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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