If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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