How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
