Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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