and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
operation harelip BJ is a go
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
