I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
