Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
