508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
