MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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