If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
