i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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