i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize