I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
