Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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