Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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