when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
