I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
