Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
