I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
