She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize