Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
