we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
