I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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