quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
