Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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