so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
