Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
