dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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