I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
