I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
