dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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