shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
