Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
