i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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