swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
