my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
