I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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