hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
