The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
