So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
