So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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