is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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