so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
