Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
