Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
