My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
