I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He kissed a someone with a penis
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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