And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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