just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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