broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
