i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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