I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
