this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize