He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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