I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
