ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
