i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
