I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
