I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
