Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
