Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
