i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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