The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
