eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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