She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
