I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
