Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
