I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
