She announced her abortion via fbk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
