Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
