I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
