I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
