is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
