If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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