Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
